zaterdag 18 juli 2009

Dipping into the rich palette of the personality structure

When doing any form of theatre an actor uses different combinations of his usual psychological setup. He reforms his personality into the desired setup, the desired characteristics that the role asks from him. Using and combining the many layered experiences he lived through or learned about in his life he forms this setup.

Often this reforming of the psychological structure happens quite naturally by following one of the lead characteristics of the role he is going to play. There is often not so much conscious effort playing the role, at least I experience this when I'm playing a role on stage, as long as I can find one particular characteristic to build my character on.

Image 1: Here I'm playing the role of Judge during a performance with my theatresportsteam.

The actor knows that after the play he can find the setup he defines as himself. Close friends and relatives expect him to leave the other role behind and return to his trusted self. On stage he allowed other parts of his being to shine through that are always there but reside in the background. This asks for a kind of concentration, a kind of focus suitable for that situation.

I think that when someone channels the exact same thing happens. While channelling you allow your regular setup to change position. I find it very important to share my point of view on this, also to get a better picture myself of my ideas on this subject. Often I'm annoyed by the assumption of many people who visit someone who channels that the person who is doing the channelling disappears. Steps aside out of his/her body to let someone else take over the wheels. I think that while channelling you allow different parts of yourself to rearrange into a different perspective. A highly creative act and an act we all constantly perform, maybe not as clearly recognisable.

When a mother is at home with her child she will use a different setup maybe when talking to her child as she uses when she has a discussion at work with her co-workers during a business meeting. It is however still the same person.

Sometimes characteristics overlap in one role and the other, but overall the setup can be varying from slightly different to very different to the most used setup, from commonly used, to seldom used.

The regular psychology is working on making maps of the personality structure but having difficulties to do so. The personality structure is so big and multilayered that it is hard to see the borders of the personality structure.

I think you can compare it with a palette that a painter uses. Let's say you have Rembrandt creating a big painting using a particular mixture that makes a red colour. After some time of painting he needs to create some more of this paint, not having enough of it on his palette. The colour he will re-create will be almost the same but when put under a microscope maybe one can see that it is slightly different. But people won't see this difference with the naked eye so it doesn't really matter if it is slightly different. The same counts I think for our personality structures. We are constantly changing but because it is most of the time very close to our former self we hardly notice it, neither do others.

Image 2: a possible painters palette specifically for making portraits

While writing this piece I realise that Defrene would phrase these sentences in a similar way. Am I now speaking for Defrene? Or am I just speaking from my perspective? Where does Defrene begin and where does Emmy end? Is there really a clear border? These questions often are present in my mind.

I could say that I think that my personal palette is now mixing a colour, using the paints that is similar to the metaphorical colour that my concentration takes when channelling for Defrene. However it is slightly different, since I'm now not in a trance state.

This combination of my personality structure is made with the same palette.

When my personality gets the mix it needs to be speaking for Defrene, to be able to tap into this kind of information I can reach different parts of my being that go beyond who I generally am.

The thing is these palettes are so big, that I as Emmy can't perceive the boundaries, see only a slight portion of it. When travelling through my personality structure I might sometimes because I'm having a specific kind of concentration, find colours I can normally not reach with my regular concentration. However they are always present, always there, I simply can not perceive them always. Neither can I perceive them as soon as I walk away from that part of this huge palette.

There are so many different combinations possible that I'm more then happy to see what kind of combinations suit me and make me feel comfortable.

When I have a better idea of who I am, I'm better able to re-find myself (even though I might always be slightly different) and feel comfortable and safe.

I choose to not be constantly speaking for Defrene because I want to see more of the colours that make up my being. However I'm fond of the insights this particular colour gives me and I'm willing to make more paintings with it.

The paint is never alien to my being. It comes from the big metaphorical "paint shop" where my Essence is connected to.

Often it is said by people: human beings are more then the sum of all their parts.

I think this is because there are so many combinations possible of all of your parts that they will create many other probable selves. When speaking for Defrene I take into account that I'm a multidimensional being. That is what I believe. That I have many focuses at the same time, just now momentarily zoomed in into my Emmy existence. But at the same time there is my essence where all of these different focuses are a part of, and the source of that essence.

Where do the colours on the personality palette have their origin? How are they created? I have no clue...

But they are there and they are there to be explored in whatever fashion we want.

Not necessarily through channelling or acting or painting pictures. Life will offer us the opportunities. We can choose whatever way we want to explore self, one method is not better or more informed then any other.

We all channel, in other words change the colours on our palette constantly in one way or the other, in a similar way as we all act constantly throughout our lives. However just like not all of us want to act for our profession even though we act a different role from time to time, the same counts for professionally channelling. We simply don't all want to have it on our business card or maybe are more suited for other ways of using our palettes. Everyone has all the colours constantly inventing new combinations creating their own individual lives...

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