zaterdag 18 juli 2009

The Orchestra of (Psychic) Politics

At December 26th 2006 I wrote the following account:

This morning I felt like a Jean-François Champollion , but then instead of being able to read hieroglyphs I was able to decipher a little bit more of my personal dream language. I’ve puzzled with the symbols in this dream before, but more and more layers were discovered this morning.

Let me share with you my dream adventure of this night and the results of my puzzling this morning. To make it easier to read I’ll include my translation of the symbols after each dream “chapter” and not put the whole translation in the end. The dream will be in Italics, my interpretation of it will be in regular type.

The orchestra of (Psychic) Politics

I find myself in the middle of a big gathering of people. An orchestra is rehearsing in his huge room. I’m fascinated to see that the room is a concert hall and political debate room in one.

People are debating passionately, trying to convince each other of their own personal truths, trying to point to the other where he is wrong. I’m feeling bored with all these discussions, observing them with irritation: why can’t we just start and make music together?

:arrow: This part is referring to the many debates that are often going on in life, and on forums of people trying to convince each other of their truths. Like political parties they are debating different topics. Sharing their point of view. The reason why I’m annoyed in this dream is that the people are only fighting, not having a constructive debate and only trying to prove why their “camp” is better then all of the others.

I’m literally bored in the dream by these non-constructive discussions. I also realize that in order to make music, you need different instruments to make a balanced orchestra in order to play the music of life. None are better then any other and they can work together. It reminds me greatly of how sometimes people who like one particular source of information over another. Let’s say: someone like Seth’s approach over Elias approach or the other way around and then discounts the other approach, while in fact they are part of the whole orchestra, playing in the end similar music, just another part of it. (You can fill in any school of thought in staid of Seth/Elias I use it merely as an example here).

This section of the dream also reminds me of the title and content of Jane Roberts book: Psychic Politics.

Then someone explains me that this orchestra has rehearsals on two days: Mondays and Tuesday nights. On Mondays the debate will be included, on Tuesdays the main aim is to make music. I notice that I don’t have time to join both rehearsals every week. One of the rehearsals you have to go to in order to be a member of the orchestra this woman says. To my big relief it is the Tuesday nights that are the most important, the one without these politic discussions.

:arrow: This part of the dream shows me what I prefer, I prefer making music over the debates and also shows me that the conductor of the orchestra finds making music the most important, the living your life the most important regardless of the “party” chosen to interpret life. Regardless of the worldview chosen. The only rehearsals that you have to go to as a member of the orchestra, is the make music part. I think this part of the dream also can relate to that in order to live your life it is not entirely necessarily to know how it is build up, how the “engine” works etc. That it is a matter of choice to investigate that and that it is not a pre-requisite to living your life in a fulfilling way.

I sit with my cello, I notice that the A-string has snapped and I will put on a new A-string. I don’t want others to be bothered by this, and try to do it as silent as possible. Very careful I replace the A string, then because I have a new set-up I need to tune my cello again.

:arrow: This part of the dream refers to my fear that others will be bothered by my process of “fine-tuning” my self. That other people might be annoyed to see me working on a broken string. It shows how people in general are often afraid to show their “hurts” and “problems” and their fixing of these problems. Every once in a while a string snaps, every once in a while a string needs replacement even if it hasn’t snapped. I think it will be better to accept this and not be ashamed of it. Others won’t be bothered and I can also chose, if it is to noisy, if the problems are to big so to say, to go to another room and to get back when I’m better. It’s all possible. People in the orchestra will understand problems with broken strings, since they all (especially in that section) sometimes experience similar things. We human beings all can have a “broken string” and need not to be ashamed of the process to repair it.

I do this by ear first…(the tuning) and then afterwards check if I’m in tune with my tune machine. To my big satisfaction I see that I am able to tune my cello by using my own senses, my ears. The machine gives green light for every string, accept for one of them, it’s orange. I focus on that string and tune it by ear again, later checking if I got it right and indeed, it’s in tune.

tuning device
Image 1: tuning device, When the light is red, this means it is out of tune. If the light is green it's in tune and if it's orange it is almost in tune. I use it often to tune my cello, to be sure I have it tuned properly

:arrow: The in-tune refers to my fine-tuning, the accurate tuning of my consciousness. For example I learn to tune my consciousness in such a way that I can channel Defrene. I learn to trust more on my own senses in stead of relying on the tune-machine and this took quite some time. I might not be able to get everything right yet, but I’m very satisfied with the result. You always need to retune a string instrument, due to weather changes (emotional weather) or any other change you need to readjust the strings. A string instrument that is in tune, is in balance. If you learn how to tune your instrument you’ll be able to tune it however out of tune it has become. Sometimes you will need a reference to help you get in tune again. (as the tune machine can be, or a piano or someone who has an in tune instrument to help you get the tone right). This is also the case with emotional being out of balance and getting yourself balanced again. We all get out of balance once in a while. Sometimes the tuning can take quite some time, but it is never impossible.

Then I look for my bow and notice that I have two of them, my old bow, all the hairs of that bow are snapped and I’ve taped the broken wood parts together. I realize that I can’t use my old bow and will use my new bow. I lay the old bow apart, knowing that I will let go of the bow having appreciated it for years.

:arrow: I’ve kept an old bow, one that looks a lot like my new bow, but one that I can’t use anymore. This refers to an old aspect of my self, that I’ve used with much pleasure but that got broken and needed replacement. I still kept the bow and sometimes I’m mixing them up again, trying to “create my lifes music” with that old bow. I’m learning to take more distance of it. I also see that I can really not get back into using that old bow again, unless I get help and fix it. This will take so much energy and money that I’ve chosen to replace it with an entirely new bow.

Some members of the Orchestra go home after the heated discussion and don’t stay to make music. At that moment I’m worried that I might end up as being the only cellist there. I start to panic: If I’m the only one there, they will see that I can’t really make great music at all. Then to my great relief I see 4 other cellists there and walk to them. They already sit in their position. I walk towards them to sit with them in the cello-section of the orchestra.

Orchestra set-up
Image 2: the set-up of a Symfony orchestra as it is in Europe with most concerts

:arrow: Some people forget to make music, live their life’s and are to fed up with debating the origins of life. The other part refers to me being scared to fail, to not be good enough, not worthy enough to be part of this orchestra. And that others will finally, if they really get the chance to hear me, decide that I suck big time. The other four cellists relate to people having a similar approach to life as I have. It also refers to channeling and that I’m not the only one who does it from this particular angle. I know that the material Defrene gives, has a lot in common with what Kris says and what Seth says for example. But because we are all individual cellists (Serge, Jane, Emmy, fill in any other name here), even though we all play cello and they sound similar, they all have their own tone. Our unique way of playing a similar instrument. Added together they make a great team. A similar message amplified.

I notice that I do have the music sheets with me but that they are still in the other side of the room. I can’t play the piece out of my head, without music paper, because the music is to complex, there are so many layers. I notice that I also need to get my own music stand. In an orchestra people always sit together in pairs of two, but because we are with five people I will have to get my own music stand. There will be a place for another partner next to me.

:arrow: This refers to unconscious information that is inside of me, the score is inside of me, but it’s so complex that I can’t play it out of my head. I need the translated paper in order to get it out there. I need my own “standards”, my own framework to put the music on. I will get back to this in the upcoming paragraph.

I could look along with the music stand of the other people already there, but then I would sit in a position that is not comfortable for my self. It will not bother the others, but it will be difficult for me to read because of the distance. I’m doubting if I will get my own standard, the director of the orchestra will have to wait a little bit longer before we can start playing because I have to take the time to walk to the other side of the room, get my music sheets and music stand and install myself in position with the orchestra again. I decide very consciously that I will take the time to do this, and I feel far more confident then in the past making this decision. Before I would always worry about that people have to wait for me to be ready etc. Now I know that it is better for us all to take that time and space necessary.

music stand
Image 3: Music stand as generally used in Orchestra's

:arrow: I could read along with others, but it is better to create my own space. I can force myself doing the channeling for instance in exactly the same way Jane did, or how Serge does it. (this doesn’t only count for channeling off course, but it’s something that’s on my mind often lately so I take this as an example). I will be more comfortable with my own standard. Have a better view and can make better music if I do so. It will take some time however to get my standard up and running in this dream. I’m worried that people will lose their patience with me, but decide to take that risk. And know that the benefits of doing this in my own pace are far larger for the overall music-making. It’s the first time in my life that I truly take more space for myself, to do it my way. And don’t worry overly what other people think if it.

Then I search for my cello, I have one in my hand but I notice the A string has snapped and suddenly realize: this is my old cello, not my new one. I look around me and see many cello cases. I study the many cello’s that are in there, remembering a particular thing I need to look for that is unique to my kind of cello. This makes it easier to shift to the many cello’s that are there but still, I can’t find it. Every time I study another cello I think: this is it, only to notice a detail that makes clear to me it looks similar but it’s not my cello. I’m worried that someone else accidently took my cello, mistaken it for hers and took it to her home. I keep on searching for my cello. I’m touched by the variety of cello’s that are there, all unique, still part of this bigger category of cello’s.

:arrow: Again the having an old cello refers to mixing up old and new, my old self and my self that I am now. I look around for my new cello. I look around for Who I am…now… I use studying the old cello’s to define better who I am now. The old cello cases and cello’s refer to all the other focuses I have had in the past and future. I’m just as any other always on the journey of figuring out that much more of who I am. Seeing all the varieties etc. The part with me being worried of someone taking away my cello might relate to the worries I sometimes have in regards with "losing"my identity when I explore several different forms my consciousness can take. I realize this can’t happen in the way I fear. This part of the dream refers to always searching and experimenting to know a little bit more of who we are.

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